Dammit I couldn’t wait ’til Tuesday ok! You know I posted something a couple weeks ago asking if Black Women are being forced to date other races. Well I’ve come across a couple videos (ABC News) that have Black Women and celebrities discussing how Black Women cannot find a Black Man.
Check out these 2 videos regarding 42% of Black Women being unmarried (2x the rate of White Women). The stats also point out that 70% of professional Black Women are unmarried and that Black Women outnumber Black Men by 2 million.
In one of the videos, a Black Woman in Atlanta describes her sister’s fate as the Black Girl Curse.
Wow, what beautiful women but from my experience they won’t necessarily find happiness. Irregardless of race when a woman is married or in a relationship with a man that is not as educated or accomplished as she is in her career, it more often then not becomes an issue in their relationship that few couples can overcome.
Men and women are hard-wired differently and if a man feels inferior as a provider, I don’t care what he says, he is going to have a problem, likewise she is going to have a related but opposite problem. Unfortunately these women are going to have a hard time finding a suitable mate no matter what race he is especially if they are looking for one that out earns or is more accomplished than they are. They are in a Catch-22 and the only way it will ever work is if God is at the center of their lives and even that is no guarantee because he may have different plans in mind.
Even accomplished men today a fast losing their earning power. Downsizing, companies trimming their payroll are factors in once highly paid men who are losing their jobs to younger less compensated men or women in the workforce.
I have two friends both in their mid to upper fifties who have recently lost their jobs. One with no degree who has worked for 30 years with an office systems company was passed over in a promotion and fired only to see a younger and less experienced man with more education under his belt get the management job he applied for. The other was a very successful 28 yr fund manager for an insurance company making a couple million a year was abruptly told that his department was being eliminated and was walked out the door after he was forced to tell his employees the news.
In fact I believe there was a program or magazine that did a piece on the subject of men over fifty being eliminated from the workforce.
I wish these beautiful ladies the best and if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m happily married, I’d be looking them up!
First of all, why must every obstacle a black person faces be labeled a “curse.” Goodness gracious, folks make it sound as if a shaman or witchdoctor must be commissioned just to secure one date with a black man.
I also have a problem with the phrase “forced” to date outside one’s race, but I digress.
More importantly, though I don’t agree with the language and terminology used, I do recognize this as a reoccurring phenomenon amongst black women.
I’m not sure if the bigger obstacle is there not being enough “eligible” black men or there not being enough “eligible” black men who aren’t already taken by or exclusively seeking non-black women.
If its the former, I believe its an issue of “producing” more black males who peruse and secure higher paying jobs that aren’t the stereotypical “way out of the hood” i.e. playing ball or rapping. (Perhaps, I’m being an idealist and over simplifying thins.)
Now, if its the later…
I do have a problem with the phrase “forced to date white men.” Nobody forces anyone to date anyone. That reflects a stone age mentality that also would suggest that women do what a man says because he’s the man.
I dated black men all of my life and found all of the brothers I dated to be successful, confident and secure in who they were; I was engaged to one of the men I dated.
The man I married (24 years ago, thank you) is not African American. He is white. I married him not because I was forced to date him, but because we had a friendship that developed into a deeper relationship.
Being a black “girl” is not a curse. It is a blessing that black and white men find attractive.
Dropping out of high school and not getting any college training increases the chances of not getting a job, and in cases, not wanting a job. It increases the chances of going to jail or prison. It increases the chance of having an illigitent child, it incresses the chances of getting hooked on street drugs, it increases the chances of not realizing the importance of going to the polls and voting,, and it also increases the chance of having an early funeral…..And some wonder why many Black women cannot find a decent and honest partner…Education and attitude is verything….We can compete only if we have the eools to use to compete….These actions have snowballing effect. Especially on Black males….
You made some really good points in your article and I will agree with you.
The real issue is not Black Women, but Black Men. I see it here in the midwest. The “I hate you” look and walking around with white women who aren’t even attractive. There has been something strategically done to Black Men and we have only scratched the surface. Really it’s a problem, but our race will never go extent. Black men were born to be lions and have been reduced to being domesticated cats. It’s so sad. While the Asians and Whites (men) are posting on different websites, how they are stealing us from our men. I see more and more African American women dumb enough to be used to hurt their own men. It’s sad. All this social and spiriutal betrayl. We still have not figured out how to beat Jim Crowe and the man has been dead for how long may I remind you? This issue has to do with Black Men……Oh how he has come to hate himself.
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I am a Black man, soon to be 47 years old, and married to a Black woman. We have been married for nearly 13 years. During the time I was dating, I did date out of my race, but being from Louisiana marrying outside my race is very frowned upon. My mother always told to never marry anyone except a Black woman. I’m sure many of my brothers out there can attest to this. The problem is that there was never an acceptable Black woman who would give me the time of day. (In my case that was until I met my wife).
Either I did not make enough money, drive a nice enough car, or have the physical appearance of Atlas. In their eyes I never measured up. They funny thing about this time in my life is that I was being approached by White women, Latinos, and even Asian women to give up looking and give them a shot at finding love. I was treated like a man and given the opportunity to express my thoughts without them being given to me. But, like a good southern Black man, the need to make a connection with someone who understood the struggles and hardships we as Black Americans face everyday was important to me. I went on date after date with Black women only to find many of them so wrapped up in changing me, using me, or neglecting me it made me sick!
I was fortunate enough to find a Black woman that was real and did not have this notorious “Black girl attitude” and was willing to work with me to build a future. Today I am a military veteran (Army); I have a degree in criminal justice administration and a Master’s degree in Organizational Management. I have made a few investments that actually pay enough to support the mortgage on our home. I take care of the money and bills from both our incomes. My wife is adorned with all kinds of shinny things and drives a brand new car. She saw my potential, (just like those non-Black women did) and gave me a chance. I did not give up finding my girl even through all the distractions. Nothing is perfect, but you have to be true to yourself. Sisters, living this world especially in America is hard. We have many obstacles to overcome and we cannot do it alone. Personally, I have found that the way you treat your men is the biggest deciding factor on if he will stay with you or even choose to be with you or not. Attitude is everything! My mom told me something a log time ago and I found it to be very true to an extent, “White men and Black women will always be free.” Unfortunately, if Black women do not change their attitudes and the way they treat their Black men, others will suck him up and help him become the man his is to become. Just a few thoughts from your steadfast brother…